Grief for the Fallen
by Amethyst Wind
Summary: Toji is dead, this is what happened to his friends afterwards.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, Gainax does.  
  
Author's note : This story starts when Toji dies, and it is about how his friends deal with it.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"Massive internal bleeding, ruptured kidney, left leg severed at knee, pulse...none."  
  
"Shinji?" Shinji Ikari looked down at the body being lifted out of the entry plug. "Shinji?!" His guardian repeated in a louder and more urgent voice. Shinji did not hear her. He must pay for what he has done to me, he abandoned me, he used me.....  
  
HE KILLED TOJI!!!  
  
"SHINJI!!!" Misato Katsuragi screamed as Eva-01's eyes lit up and it spun and charged towards NERV Headquarters. "AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!!" He roared as his Eva ploughed across the Geo- Front, striving to reach the golden pyramid. "Shinji! What are you doing?" Misato asked across the link to his Eva. "Misato, put my father on." Shinji replied, his voice deadly calm. "Shinji.." She began, "MISATO PUT MY FATHER ON NOW!!!" Shinji thundered. There was a stunned silence in Central Dogma until a confident voice said "Pilot Ikari, proceed to the Eva cages." "How dare you, you bastard, you killed my best friend, using my hands, and you have the gall to give me orders?! Fuck you, now get out here so I can kill you Gendo Ikari." "Is that a threat Third Child?" "You're damn right it is, if you won't come out I'll blow this Eva to pieces and take NERV with me!" "I see." Commander Ikari turned to the bridge technicians " Increase pressure in the LCL until pilot Ikari loses consciousness." He then turned back to look at the Eva. "What? NO!" Shinji gasped as his chest tightened. "That bastard." He managed to whisper before darkness overcame him.  
  
Misato Katsuragi looked at Ritsuko Akagi gleefully before hugging her tightly. "Thank you thank you thank you Ritsuko, this is the best news I could've gotten right now. I'm taking Shinji home with me, and there isn't a damn thing that Bastard Ikari can do about it. For once, God is in his heaven and all is right in my world." With that, she left, leaving Ritsuko with mixed emotions, happiness for her friend, and to a lesser extent, Shinji, but also anxiety for the deliverer of this news to Commander Ikari, she firmly wished that Ikari wouldn't kill the messenger which, in this case, would be her. 


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note : This is my first fanfic so abuse the hell out of it in your reviews (but only if it needs it) so that I can make my next one much better.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Shinji Ikari floated back to consciousness just as Misato entered the room. "Get dressed Shinji, we're going home."  
  
Shinji, now numb from what had happened and drained from his forced sleep, mutely complied and followed her out of the room and into her car. Misato glanced at him from the driver's seat, noticing the lack of life in the cobalt-blue eyes of the boy. He didn't even notice how fast they were driving, a bad sign, thought Misato.  
  
Stepping into the apartment they were greeted by a loud, German-accented voice. "About time you got home, baka, now make my dinner." Misato, realising that Asuka had been knocked out when the tragedy occurred, quickly stepped in. "Not now, Asuka." "But I'm hungry." "Not. Now." Misato warned in a sterner voice, emphasizing the words. "Fine, I guess the needs of us other pilots come second to those of the invincible Shinji and his stooge friend."  
  
WHAM!  
  
The impact snapped Asuka's head around and she stumbled back a few paces before falling over. She was up in a heartbeat, facing the one who struck her. "How dare you, baka!" she snapped before her hand shot out to slap Shinji, but stopped just short as Shinji had, without seemingly moving, grabbed her wrist and viciously twisted. "Let go of me Shinji." Tears were streaming down her face, feeling them, Asuka abandoned her insincere malice and simply pleaded. ".please?" she whimpered. "Never, ever talk about Toji that way again, Asuka. Or I will make you pay for it." Shinji threatened, his voice hard as diamond and cold as ice. "Why should I?!" Asuka retorted, and began to struggle. Seeing that Shinji would not let go, Misato began to frantically think of a way to diffuse the situation.  
  
The answer came in two words.  
  
"Mari." She stated. Shinji froze.  
  
"Hikari." Shinji released Asuka, who sank to the floor, nursing her bruised wrist, and without a word, turned and walked out of the still-open apartment door.  
  
Misato and Asuka watched him go. Both were thinking about his eyes, Asuka, about the malevolent glare which was directed at her, and Misato, about the haunted look when he left. 


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note : Sorry about the short chapters, this one and all the rest will be longer.  
  
Disclaimer : Don't own Eva, Gainax does, and so forth.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Ritsuko Akagi walked through the hallways of Nerv, her heels clicking on the hard metal floor. She noticed the state of the corridor, the floor and walls didn't shine as they used to, with the angels getting stronger all non-essential staff were being re-trained and re-deployed as maintenance staff to ensure the functionality and stability of Nerv's remaining three evangelions : The blue and white titan, Evangelion Unit 00, the prototype. The red and orange colossus, Evangelion Unit 02, the production type. And the purple and green behemoth, the cornerstone of Nerv's defence, and source of greater terror to the bridge and technical crews of Nerv than even the angels, Evangelion Unit 01. Ritsuko had often wondered why the test type 01 easily outperformed the newer, and supposedly more advanced, production model 02. Ritsuko knew about the hidden capabilities of the Evas, those powers both SEELE and Commander hoped to harness for their scenarios, but she knew that any of the Evas could be used for those purposes, so what was so damn special about Unit 01? Ritsuko had become obsessed with this problem soon after Shinji had outperformed Asuka before the 12th angel attack. It had taken her only seven days to become so desperate to find an answer that she had hacked into the Magi system and looked up the Evangelion specifications in Commander Ikari's files, as she didn't trust that the specs given to the tech crews hadn't been altered slightly. She was quite disheartened with the answer she found.  
  
Physically, apart from minor armour differences, all of the Evas were exactly the same.  
  
She had been angry at the lack of a solution for a short while, until she expanded the equation and included another aspect needed for the bio- mechanical war machines to function, the pilots. But this proved to be little help for Ritsuko, as while Shinji had a higher sync ratio, Asuka was still a superior pilot, as in the simulations where the evas were not being used and each pilot commanded an identical computer program, Asuka beat Shinji soundly every time, so no answer was found.  
  
Finally it dawned on her, she had known the answer all along, but was mentally avoiding this thought path as she wasn't comfortable with it. The mind of the Eva, each unit had inside of it at least a basic sentience, she was sure that each Eva had this, not just Unit 01, as Unit 00 had also gone berserk without any pilot input, so she reasoned that Eva 02 would be able to as well. The pilots didn't have to just sync with the body of the Eva, they had to become one in mind and soul too. This was the reason for the superiority of Unit 01, either of the two minds in play were more accepting than that of the pairs in Units 00 or 02. Ritsuko believed that Shinji was the mind more accepting of the Eva, not the other way around, since, in her opinion, Asuka was too arrogant to completely join with another, and Rei was simply unable to.  
  
Ritsuko had stopped walking while pondering, so turning back to the situation at hand, resumed her steady march to the office of the commander- in-chief of Nerv, Gendo Ikari. It was a long walk, and since she was tired she had stopped twice more, at least that was what she told herself, in truth she was not looking forward to the meeting, and was trying to prolong her journey in the hope that something more important would demand Ikari's attention. Hell, she thought while suppressing a smirk, even an angel attack would do.  
  
Luck was against her though, and she took a deep breath, letting it out in sigh as she entered the office, drawing some comfort from the Tree of Sephiroth pattern on the ceiling, the lines were so hard and angular, like computer code, and it was a welcome sight to her. "Good evening Doctor Akagi, perhaps you could enlighten me as to why Major Katsuragi has returned the Third Child to his residence, even though no order was given to do so, also may I remind you that Pilot Ikari is to be brought up on charges of endangering the life of his commanding officer and unauthorized use of an Eva for a personal vendetta." "That is the reason that I am here Commander, it seems that Shinji was not in fact in control of the Eva during the argument you two had, the nerve connections were still severed, Shinji couldn't self-destruct Unit 01, and he knew it, therefore, your charges have no credence." Ritsuko explained, almost smugly. "Shinji bluffed." There was a hint of admiration in the quiet voice of Sub- commander Fuyutsuki, standing behind the commander. "Very well," Ikari said in a voice full of constrained anger "Drop the charges against the Third Child, but inform Major Katsuragi that if Pilot Ikari shows insubordination towards me again, he will be punished, severely. That is all, you may go." Ritsuko, having successfully avoided Ikari's wrath, exited as fast as possible while still in a walking pace.  
  
Kensuke Aida was confused, to say the least, the night before, Saturday, Shinji had shown up and asked to if he could stay for a days, Kensuke had been afraid, as he had looked directly into Shinji's eyes and, recognising the demons that were haunting his friend, had quickly agreed. When he asked Shinji what was wrong, the brown-haired pilot had told him that there was an accident with the new pilot, and that he was responsible. Kensuke, knowing that Shinji was somewhat unstable even on the best of days, had thought that his friend would have been broken by his abusive room-mate, so he attempted to help any way he could. Shinji had slept for most of Sunday, and Kensuke, believing him to be in the spare room at that moment had tried to talk to him, but had found only a folded futon and a note. It read :  
  
Kensuke, thank you for your help but I have to go, find me on Monday and I will explain everything, but there is someone else who I must talk to first.  
  
Thank you,  
  
Shinji.  
  
A short while after Kensuke had read the note, a door opened in another apartment block of Tokyo-3. "Hikari," Shinji said sadly "May I come in?" 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer : Don't own Eva, etc, etc.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
"Mr Ikari? What are you doing here?" Hikari asked warily, it was an unprecendented event for a boy to come to her house, especially after Eleven at night. In her class rep mind of thinking it was not appropriate for a boy to visit a young girl's home, at any time of the day, without an invitation. "Something has happened, and you must here it from me, I don't want Asuka telling you at school and degrading what has happened. This is serious, and Asuka is, frankly, not." Shinji paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. Hikari thought about what Shinji had said. What is this about? She wondered, the only thing Hikari had known girls to tell about in school concerning boys was who they had a crush on. Does he feel that way about me? I could have sworn he was interested in Rei and Asuka. "What are you saying Mr Ikari?" Hikari pressed, she wanted to be sure that it was safe before she let Shinji into her home, nice as he was, she was best friends with Asuka, who seemed to view Shinji as somewhat of a pervert. "Please Hikari, this is hard for me and I need you to trust me, please?" Shinji knew that he looked pretty pathetic right now, but he didn't care, he had to tell Hikari what had happened. He and Kensuke had both seen the developing feelings between their friend and the brown-haired class rep, and he owed her the truth of the matter, even if she hated Shinji for telling her, or blamed him for dragging Toji into his world of destruction and death, she had to know. He would not dishonour Toji's memory by keeping his death from one of the people who truly cared about him, he had failed Toji, he would not fail Hikari. I will not run away. He silently vowed. Hikari was curious, and in the time it had taken Shinji to strengthen his resolve, she had made her decision. "Please come in Shinji, if this is serious enough that you made the journey here this late, then the least I can do is listen, but I promise nothing more than that." Shinji nodded and entered, not particularly pleased that she had decided to hear him out.  
  
"Please sit down Mr Ikari." Hikari offered, and Shinji sat down on one end of a three person couch, while Hikari sat on the opposite end, far enough away to be out of reach if Shinji tried something indecent, but still close enough to listen closely. "Hikari, I." Shinji began, but was interrupted by a smallvoice from the doorway of a bedroom "Hikari, I'm thirsty, will you pour me some juice please?" Hikari's 3 year old sister Nozomi asked tiredly. "Ok Nozomi, you can sit here with us while you drink it, but then its right off to bed, understand?" Hikari got up and went into the kitchen, followed by Nozomi. They returned soon after, Nozomi clutching a small cup of blackcurrant juice, drinking slowly. As Hikari sat back on the end of the couch, Nozomi clambered in between the two teenagers. Shinji had watched the whole exchange in silence, apparently unnoticed by the younger Horaki girl. He looked at Hikari, she cares for her sister like a mother with her child, she would make a wonderful mother. Shinji thought with both happiness and sadness. Sensing Hikari looking at him expectantly, he knew that he could not postpone this any longer, so he began "Hikari, what I'm about to tell you will change things for both of us, even though we view this situation from different sides, our positions are not that different. This concerns an Eva pilot, you see." He broke off again as Nozomi, having finished her juice had grown tired and had unwittingly crawled into his lap and fallen asleep. "Nozomi." Hikari got up to move her sister, but Shinji stopped her. "It's alright, we shouldn't disturb her now that she's asleep, and I don't mind." He looked kindly down at the sleeping toddler in his lap and gently lifted some hair that was tickling her nose from her face. Hikari watched him in much the same way as he had when she was attending to her sister, he is so gentle, he would make a wonderful father. Hikari began to feel different at that moment, here was a girl who was isolated from others by her status, and a boy who had become isolated by neglect from an early age, the two of them both caring for a child together, this feeling was different from the infatuation she felt with Toji, this was a sense of belonging. This feeling had a powerful effect on Hikari, she got up and sat down next to Shinji, who was still looking at the three year old. "You are really good with her, she only does this with people she feels safe with, and it usually takes her a few meetings with a person to get that safe feeling, you are the first person outside of my family who she trusts completely, she knows you will never hurt her Shinji, and so do I." With that Hikari laid her head on Shinji's shoulder and closed her eyes. She felt Shinji's heartbeat and was comforted by it. Shinji, for his part, was comfortable too, if this were Rei or Asuka or any other girl he would be stammering and sweating, but it was different with Hikari, he couldn't explain it in words, but it felt right, slowly Shinji put his arm around Hikari to keep her warm, and he too succumbed to sleep, the original reason for his visit forgotten.  
  
Hikari awoke to Shinji's soft voice "Hikari, I'm sorry, but I have to go or else Misato will be worried, and we should put Nozomi to bed, you too, I wouldn't want you to sleep poorly because of me." "Kay" replied Hikari, she got up and tried to take the girl from Shinji, but Shinji was still holding her. "May I?" he asked. "Alright." She replied without hesitation and with a smile. Together, the two of them headed for the bedroom, Shinji gently laid Nozomi onto the futon and Hikari covered her with the blanket. "Don't forget Miko." Shinji said, holding up a stuffed panda. "How did you." "She was mumbling it in her sleep." Shinji explained as he quietly closed the door.  
  
Shinji and Hikari stood at the entrance to her house, Hikari smiled warmly at him "Why don't you come back tomorrow night and finish what you were going to say, Shinji?" Hikari asked sweetly. Shinji, who had been smiling in much the same way as Hikari, sobered instantly. "Yeah Hikari, I think that that would be best." He began to walk away. "Oh, and Shinji, I meant it you know, I do feel safe with you, and I don't think you would ever hurt me. Goodnight" She closed the door. Shinji started walking again, "You're wrong Hikari, I will hurt you, I will hurt you terribly." Before he had arrived at the Horaki residence that night he had been so sure that he would tell Hinkari, but now he was incredibly reluctant to do so, because he didn't want to lose the feeling of belonging he had felt so powerfully with the girl who had been a virtual stranger to him only twenty-four hours before. 


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: In the next review that I get, could someone tell me what WAFF means, please.  
  
Disclaimer : Don't own Eva.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Shinji got up for school on Monday after a fitful sleep, in his dreams he had told Hikari about what had happened, and she had cried, and that had caused him great distress, almost as much as Toji's death. He had wanted to stop himself, to not tell her, to save her from grief, but he knew he had to, if he kept the secret from her, she would eventually find out from somebody else, Shinji thought it would be Asuka, and she would feel betrayed that Shinji hadn't told her. Shinji once again forced himself to face the truth, he would tell her and she would be unhappy, he didn't care if she blamed him, as long as she was alright in the end, he owed it to Toji, and to Hikari, to make sure that she was alright, he would protect her with his life if necessary, it was the right thing to do, and he wouldn't let anyone stop him from helping someone he cared about, not even his father.  
  
Shinji was making breakfast when Asuka and Misato entered the kitchen, Asuka in her school uniform and Misato in her short-cut jeans and loose t- shirt. Asuka was still wary of Shinji and sat as far away from him as possible, drawing her legs in and under the chair, keeping her eyes on him at all times. Misato, having been depressed about the loss of a pilot and worried about Shinji had drunk herself to sleep, and was still drowsy so she didn't notice the tension in the room and took the rare opportunity to stretch her legs, as Asuka usually took up all the space. Misato turned to Shinji, "Better hurry with breakfast, Shinji, don't want to be late do ya?" When Shinji gave no response Asuka decided she had been quiet long enough "Hey baka, didn't you hear her, get a move on!" She didn't expect what happened next, Shinji whipped round, grabbed Asuka's arm and pulled so that she fell off the chair, he was knelt by her in an instant, pinning her arms with his knees. "SHINJI!" Misato was on her feet in an instant, she started towards her, but stopped when Shinji raised his right hand his finger pointing towards her, the rest of the fingers curled around the handle of a kitchen knife pointed in her direction. Misato didn't mind, as long as it was pointed away from Asuka. Shinji leaned down, so that his mouth was next to Asuka's ear, and whispered "Say nothing about Toji to Hikari, understand Asuka? Not a word." Asuka, who had seen the knife too, just nodded and stayed silent. Shinji then got up and started dishing up breakfast. He sat down and started eating without a word. When he and Asuka was finished, without waiting for a signal from the redhead, got up and left the apartment, as Asuka got up, Misato gently took her by the arm, "Don't tell anyone about what happened here, this is a private matter and it only concerns us three, I know what he did was wrong, but I won't have Shinji's reputation ruined for a momentary lapse due to grief, please Asuka?" Asuka, who was not ready to talk to anyone about it yet, just nodded again and left. Misato slumped in her seat and just whispered "Shinji, please don't do anything dangerous."  
  
School passed uneventfully, with Shinji deflecting Kensuke from learning the truth by saying that he hadn't told the person who needed to know yet. Kensuke had grudgingly accepted, then dived into his daily routine of badgering Shinji about anything Eva-related, Shinji had answered carefully, not letting anything slip, and the young military otaku had gotten so frustrated by Shinji's lack of response that he went to ask Rei instead. Shinji had gotten through the rest of the day on automatic and now he once again stood on the doorstep of the Horaki residence. He knocked, feeling both grief and joy growing at the thought of seeing the young Horaki girl again, as Asuka had monopolised her time in school. While his sadness remained, the smile on his face was genuine when she answered the door. "Hello Shinji," Hikari said, returning his smile "please come in." She stepped aside to allow him into the apartment. Shinji sat down on the couch, and Hikari joined him. He noticed a gun in a holster hung on the back off one of the seats next to the dining table. "Is that yours?" He asked. She saw what he was referring to and shook her head. "No, it's my dad's, he's a policeman, he leaves it here when he's not on duty, he's out with my mother and Nozomi right now, they won't be back for a while." That'll make it easier, Shinji thought. He knew he couldn't put it off any longer, so he started to speak. "Hikari, you know we had a new Eva pilot, right?" She nodded, and he continued "Our new pilot was someone from our class...It was Toji. That's where he's been the last few days, he had to go to a test of the new Eva in Matsushiro, but there was an accident, an angel got inside somehow and took it over, it went berserk." "Me, Rei and Asuka were sent to stop the angel, it beat Rei and Asuka, and it was about to kill me, but my father did something and my Eva went berserk too, it destroyed the angel." "What happened?" Hikari gasped "Was Toji alright?" Shinji hung his head, tears rolled down his eyes. "My..my Eva, it picked up the entry plug and smashed it, Toji, he..he...he died." Only now did Shinji truly cry. Meanwhile Hikari was whispering as she sobbed, "No, no, he can't be dead, he just can't be, I never got the chance to tell him how I feel." She flung herself into Shinij's arms. "Why did this happen? What was it all for? He should still be here,, give him back, I want him back!" She sobbed. "Now I'll never get the chance to be with him!" Shinji had recovered by this point and just sat holding her, offering whatever comfort he could to the girl.  
  
Hikari eventually untangled herself from Shinij and stood up, Shinji remained seated, looking at the floor. Only when he heard the scrape of metal against leather did his head come up. Hikari had her father's pistol and was raising it to her head, saying "Now we can be together, Toji." "HIKARI NO!" Shinji shot up off of the couch and grabbed Hikari, bearing her to the floor, she was still trying to raise the gun, but he managed to get his thumb under the trigger and prevent her from firing. "SHINJI, LET ME!" Hikari shrieked. "No." he said as he wrenched the gun from her hand and threw it across the room. Hikari buried her face in his chest and sobbed, and Shinji held her tightly. Eventually her crying stopped and she relaxed. Shinji looked at her face and saw that she was sleeping.  
  
Hikari woke up an hour later, the two teenagers were still in the same position, Shinji's arms wrapped protectively around her. She looked up at him and said one word. "Why?" he looked down at her, his eyes gentle,  
"Because you have too much to live for, so many people who care for  
you, me, Asuka, Nozomi, your parents, even Kensuke. We all love to see  
you happy and smiling, please don't take that away from us in grief."  
Hikari looked up into those deep, blue eyes eyes that had already felt  
so much pain, and realised she was being selfish, Shinji was closer to  
Toji than she was and he carried on, even came to her to make her feel  
better while he was still grieving himself.  
"Ok" she murmured.  
"Thank you Hikari. I have to go now but I'll stop by tomorrow to see  
how you're doing, alright? Goodbye." He got up to leave but stopped  
when he heard Hikari say  
"Shinji, I know you have to pilot, but please don't die, I couldn't  
bear to lose you too." He turned back to her and smiled,  
"I won't, I promise you." Then he left.  
Hikari sat on the floor, and something Shinji had said came back to  
her,  
He said he cares for me. 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer : Don't own Eva.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Hikari Horaki looked on sadly as Kensuke Aida broke down into tears. Shinji had told him about Toji's death. Hikari saw tears in Shinji's eyes too and was glad for them, she had feared that he would become hard and emotionless because of the death of his best friend, but he wasn't, he still hurt, still cried, still laughed, still smiled, and still found the strength to carry on living. That thought made her uncomfortable, as only the night before she had tried to end her own life in the emotion-driven belief that she would somehow be with Toji again, Shinji had stopped her, convinced her that life was worth going on because of other people, both the positive effect she had on their lives, and the negative effect her death would cause, so close after the death of another, so she had decided to live, for her family, her friends, for herself.  
  
For Shinji.  
  
An hour later, Kensuke sat at his desk, silently grieving for his lost friend, he looked at his computer screen, the numerous files about the Evangelions and the military, which only a day before were a joy to explore, now disgusted him, he was disgusted with himself, living so long in the self-imposed deception that war was a grand thing, that those who fought were heroes, now he knew the truth. Those who fought were victims, forced to kill and die by others who sat comfortably, far from the battlefield. Shinji had told him why Toji had become the 4th child, a position he had wanted himself even after he was told that there was already a pilot. Kensuke hated himself for acting like such an idiot, actually taking pleasure in looking at and touching weapons, Toji had become the pilot because of one thing, so that his little sister could get better treatment, so that he could help her, he never thought about himself, only one fragile life which he wanted to make better. With no remorse, Kensuke deleted the files, one by one until they were all gone. He was about to shut down his computer when the class chat room window popped up with a message  
  
"Shinji knows your pain, as he knew mine.  
  
Believe in Shinji, as I do,  
  
He will help you, as he helped me.  
  
Hikari"  
  
It was then that Kensuke understood, Shinji had told Hikari first, she was the one who needed to know, Hikari had had a crush on Toji, maybe even thought she loved him, and losing him could devastate her. Kensuke was about to reply to her message, but he saw that she had already signed off and wasn't looking in his direction.  
  
Gendo Ikari looked up as the blonde scientist approached.  
  
"Doctor Akagi, what is the status of the operation?"  
  
Ritsuko Akagi placed the file on his desk, knowing full well that it would only be seen by her and the commander, not even Vice-Commander Fuyutski had been informed of this, for reasons that commander had yet to explain.  
  
"The project is proceeding smoothly, as soon as the Core and S2 engine were recovered, the teams moved them to the nearest site with facilities adequate for this task, the site was, ironically, Matsushiro site 2. That should be secluded enough to finish the task in time. At present, 34% of the super structure has regenerated thanks to the raw materials we exposed to the core. By the way, now that you have your ace, mind telling me what it is for?  
  
"There will come a time where the old men will become nervous and try to destroy us, by one means or another, I want to delay that as much as possible, the rebirth of unit 03, re-christened unit 05, will confuse them, they will expend vast amounts of time and resources trying to find out where it came from. They will eventually deduce that it was me all along, then they will try to find out how, as I am financing this myself, not with NERV's accounts. Another positive side effect of this is that we will have one more Evangelion to fight the Angels. I trust that you have found me a pilot?"  
  
"Indeed, the Magi have selected one."  
  
"Good, you will enlist the new pilot when the new unit is completed. Dismissed."  
  
"Alright kids, you're done here."  
  
Shinji exited his Eva and headed to the changing rooms, when he got inside he stripped off his plug suit and stepped into the shower, letting the water wash away the LCL that coated his body every time he was in the Eva. He hated the machine, because of what it did to Toji, but still he piloted, because he knew what the angels could do to many more innocents if they weren't stopped. As he left the shower, he began to think about the next unpleasant task he would have to perform, the last person he would have to tell about Toij's death, the reason he had agreed to pilot, his little sister Mari.  
  
As Shinji left the changing room, he came face to face with Asuka.  
  
"Asuka, I'm sorry about yesterday, I hope that you can forgive me, but if you can't that's alright, I don't deserve it. Well, goodbye." With that he walked off, leaving Asuka debating whether to forgive him or not. On one hand, he had attacked and threatened her, the great Asuka Langley Soryu, but on the other hand, Hikari had told her what had happened between her and Shinji, and stopping someone from suicide is very compelling. Asuka, for the most part had only casual friends, the only people in her life who were truly close to her were Hikari and Shinji, and one's opinion of the other carried a lot of weight in her mind, and Hikari seemed to consider Shinji a close friend, so it would make her sadder for Asuka and Shinji to fight. With that in mind, Asuka decided to forgive Shinji, for Hikari's sake, she told herself.  
  
Shinji was walking through Tokyo 3 towards the NERV hospital, he had stopped back at the apartment to have some dinner first, when he met Hikari.  
  
"Good evening Shinji."  
  
"Hello Hikari."  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"I'm going to the hospital, today's is when Toji usually visited his sister, Mari, and now I have to go and tell her that he won't be coming around anymore. I'll talk to you later, Hikari." Shinji started to walk away.  
  
"Wait," He turned around to look at Hikari.  
  
"May I come with you?" She asked.  
  
"Why? There'll only be sadness there."  
  
"I could ask you the same question."  
  
"I've been before, with Toji to visit her, she knows me. I'm the only other visitor she ever gets, it can only be me."  
  
"I agree that it has to be you Shinji, but it doesn't have to only be you, you don't have to do this alone, let me help you, like you helped me, please?"  
  
Shinji was uncertain for a moment, as he didn't want Hikari to be sad, but seeing the look on her face, he gave in.  
  
"Alright, let's go. And Hikari."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Thank you, for helping me."  
  
"Your welcome Shinji, nobody needs to face this alone, You taught me that, when you stopped me last night. I knew before that you would never hurt me and you proved it last night, you wouldn't let anyone hurt me, you wouldn't even let me hurt me. Thank you."  
  
At the hospital, Hikari watched the young girl cry her heart out as Shinji held her close.  
  
She's no older than Nozomi, and she behaves the same way with Shinji as she did, as I did. No matter who he meets, he always makes them safe. He truly would be a wonderful father. She thought.  
  
Hikari crossed over to the bed and spoke softly,  
  
"Please don't cry, it would make your brother sad, he died for you, to keep you safe, you need to be strong for him, because he loves you more than anything in the world."  
  
While she was talking the girl's crying had turned to sniffles as she looked at Hikari. It was clear on her face that she was trying with all her heart to be strong, because she loved her brother as much as he loved her. Mari looked down for a moment before mumbling  
  
"Ok."  
  
With that Hikari drew her into a hug, as Shinji watched smiling.  
  
I was right, she would make a wonderful mother. She always knows what to say. He thought.  
  
Shinji put his arms around Hikari and Mari, and the two teens held the child until she fell asleep. 


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer :Don't own Eva.  
  
Author's note : I think that I have focused on the grieving enough now, I'm going to advance the story from this chapter. If you think I rushed this, put it in your reviews and I'll do it again.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
It had been a month, during which the funeral was held, an event Hikari Horaki would never forget.  
  
(flashback)  
  
All those crying relatives, she thought, they haven't just lost a part of their family, when Toji died a part of their future died with him, he was supposed to be there when they were all gone, with all of the future generations of the Suzuharas gathered around him, happy. But now they will never have that bright and shining future.  
  
Hikari felt tears on her cheeks and turned away, seeing Shinji at the coffin she headed over until she could hear what he was saying.  
  
"Don't worry Toji, she's safe, I'm watching over her, I'm watching over them both, you can rest easy knowing that Hikari is safe, and Mari too, they will be protected, for as long as they live, I will make sure of it." After saying this Shinji seemed to deflate, his shoulders slumped and his voice lowered,  
  
"It should've been me, not you, if I had just fought harder I could've saved you, even if I died doing it, it would have been worth it just to see the smile on your little sister's face when you visited her, and who knows, maybe something would've happened between you and Hikari. She misses you, you know, maybe even more than I do. I wish you'd lived Toji, you've got a hell of a girl there, she's worthy of you and you're worthy of her, I would've given my life gladly if it meant you two hooked up, it would be worth it, even if I had to watch it from hell, because that's where I'd be for sure, there's no place in paradise for people like me. When I die, tell me what it's like will ya? Toji, you had a much bigger impact on my life than you might have realised, and I want to tell you that, I guess it all comes down to this. Thanks for being my friends, you and Kensuke, I needed some, you guys saved me, thank you. Goodbye, my friend." With that he walked away, unaware of the girl standing close by.  
  
(End Flashback)  
  
Hikari busied herself, getting ready for school, when the phone rang. She picked it up.  
  
Hello, Horaki residence...yes, this is Hikari, may I ask who is calling?...........oh I see, very well, I shall meet you at Tokyo 3 Municipal High School, and we will discuss this, goodbye." She hung up the phone and went back to packing for school.  
  
Shinji and Asuka were heading into the school grounds when they noticed the black vans with the Nerv logo on it and section two agents standing around it. Shinji checked his watch, saw that they still had some time before school started, and headed in the direction of the vans, with Asuka following. He showed the agent his Nerv ID.  
  
"Why are you here?" He asked the man. The agent must've been new, he looked twenty at most, seemed out of place next to the other agents.  
  
"The technical division head is meeting the new pilot inside."  
  
"WHAT? What do they need a new pilot for if they don't have a. Oh no, he didn't, how could my father do this?!" He whirled around, grabbing the arm of the redhead behind him, and started moving quickly towards the school  
  
"Come on Asuka we need to do something to stop this."  
  
"What are you talking about Shinji? Let go of me, I can walk on my own you know. OW!" She yelled as Shinji unceremoniously dumped her on the ground and set off running. Asuka stood up, nursing her elbow.  
  
Shinji was running through the halls of the school looking for the technical head, Ritsuko, so he could find whoever it was his father was trying to doom not to do it. He ran past his classroom, stopped as an idea struck him and went inside. He found Rei in her usual position, sat at her desk gazing blankly out of the window. He ran up to her.  
  
"Rei." he puffed, out of breath.  
  
The blue haired pilot turned to face him.  
  
"Yes, Ikari?"  
  
"Where is Ritsuko, I need to find her, I have to stop this."  
  
"You are not authorized to know that information Ikari."  
  
"What?! I can't believe you! Another child is being forced to fight in those monstrosities and you won't tell me where they are. After all that's happened with Toji, how can you sit there and do this to me?"  
  
"Ikari, I.." Rei was distressed, she hadn't expected this sudden rush of shame caused by his words, and she had an overwhelming desire to make him tell him, so that he would be kind to her again.  
  
"Forget it Ayanami, all this time I thought you actually cared about me, but I guess Asuka was right, maybe you are just my father's doll." He got up, shooting her a look of betrayal and headed for the door.  
  
"Ikari.Shinji, please." She pleaded, Rei didn't want this, she felt terrible, it was unbearable how hurt she felt. Shinji turned around and she was about to tell him where they are when Asuka popped into the classroom and grabbed his arm.  
  
"Come on, that guy out front told me where they are, let's go." She said, tugging at his arm.  
  
"Yeah, thanks Asuka, let's go."  
  
With that they left, and Rei stared at the door for a few seconds before burying her face in her hands ands crying brokenly.  
  
Shinji and Asuka raced through the hallways heading to their destination when suddenly Misato stepped in front of them, blocking their path.  
  
"Let me through Misato, I have to stop this."  
  
"No Shinji."  
  
"No?!? Why not?"  
  
"Because we need this pilot to fight the angels."  
  
"Damn you Misato, all you think about is killing those things, you don't even care that there is a human in there who's life is about to be destroyed. I don't care about the angels, I'm gonna stop this." He ran forward but stopped when the barrel of Misato's pistol pointed at him.  
  
"I won't let you do this Shinji, your personal feelings are not important right now, what's important is stopping the angels, and a new pilot will help with this."  
  
"First Rei, now you, is there anyone who won't betray me?"  
  
"Me."  
  
Shinji was stunned as Asuka stepped in between Shinji and the gun.  
  
"Asuka?" Shinji asked tentatively.  
  
"Step aside Asuka." Misato commanded firmly.  
  
"No. Go now Shinji. I'll handle this."  
  
"Thanks Asuka, you're a true friend, I owe you for this. Later, Major Katsuragi." She said, biting out the title. He moved past Misato and Asuka stayed in between the two.  
  
"SHINJI WAIT!" Misato yelled after him. She started after him, but Asuka moved into her way.  
  
Shinji reached the Principal's office and tried the door, it was locked. Shinji backed up, then ran and kicked the door, it held, barely, he kicked it again and it swung in with a bang. He saw Ritsuko half-risen from her chair, the handle of a gun glinting in her pocket as her hand rested against it, and sitting across from her, the all too familiar "Welcome to Nerv" booklet on the table in front of them..  
  
Shinji's eyes widened.  
  
"No." He whispered. 


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer : don't own Eva.  
  
Author's note : Sorry about not updating sooner, serious writer's block, this is the 6th time that I've tried to do this chapter, I counted, but I think that I finally have it this time. Enjoy.  
  
Chapter 8  
  
It was, Shinji Ikari observed, somewhat symbolic of his whole life, the angel battle he was currently involved in, not a great situation to begin with and with very little effort the whole thing goes straight to hell. Although, another part of his mind chipped in, his life had been travelling on the borders of hell for the past few days, ever since the new pilot had been recruited.  
  
(Flashback)  
  
"Hello Shinji, I thought you might come." Hikari Horaki stated sadly from her place across from Ritsuko Akagi.  
  
Shinji looked at Hikari to the "Welcome to Nerv" booklet on the table, back to Hikari, then he turned to Ritsuko, a look of pure hatred on his face.  
  
"No." He said, quietly, emotionlessly, but his eyes burned, adding force to his statement.  
  
"Excuse me, Shinji?" Ritsuko asked, confused.  
  
"I SAID NO DAMMIT! You won't do this to anyone else, especially not someone I care about. I'll stop you!"  
  
"It's not your decision, you don't have the authority to stop this."  
  
"I don't need it. If you make Hikari a pilot, then it'll be worse for everyone."  
  
"And why do you say that, shinji? Am I not good enough to be a pilot?" Hikari butted in, angered by what Shinji had said.  
  
"I didn't mean that Hikari," Shinji answered, still glaring at Ritsuko,  
  
"I meant that if you become a pilot, then I'll leave, I won't have you give up your life for a bastard like my father. Me, Asuka and Ayanami, we've done fine against the angels so far, it's not necessary to curse anyone else with Eva." He addressed Ritsuko again,  
  
"So doctor Akagi, what will it be? Me or Hikari? It's your choice." And with that Shinji fell silent, his hand slowly curling into a fist and uncurling again.  
  
"One moment." The blonde doctor said and took out her mobile phone.  
  
Hikari looked between the two people with conflicting emotions. She had come to this meeting with a pretty good idea of what would happen, and resolved to become a pilot, she wanted to help. Just like Shinji, she didn't want anyone else to get hurt because of the angels, and she thought that by becoming a pilot, then the angels would be gone just that much quicker. However, deeper inside of herself, she was terrified, and now profoundly grateful to Shinji for what he was trying to do. These two sides warred with each other, and in the end the obligation side won. Hikari was just about to tell Shinji her decision when the doctor finished her call.  
  
"Congratulations Miss Horaki," Ritsuko said, turning back to the two teenagers "you are now the new pilot of Evangelion Unit 5."  
  
"B, but." Shinji stammered "what about what I just said, didn't you here me?"  
  
Ritsuko glanced at him, a smirk on her face.  
  
"Yes Shinji, I heard you, but I've just been speaking to the commander and he has agreed to your terms. Effective as of midnight tomorrow, Rei will now be the pilot of Evangelion Unit 01 and you will no longer be part of the Nerv organisation. Security will arrive shortly and from then until you leave Tokyo-3 tomorrow night." Ritsuko looked at Hikari.  
  
"I don't think that we have anything left to discuss. Miss Horaki, please be at Nerv headquarters at 5:30pm, I'm sure that you can get pilot Soryu to show you the way if you need it. Until then, goodbye." And she left.  
  
Hikari looked at Shinji, his head was hung and he had tears in his eyes.  
  
"Shinji, I know that you lost your Eva." She broke off as Shinji looked at her, disbelief evident on his features,  
  
"You think I care about that thing?! I care about what's gonna happen to you," He sobbed "I'm sorry, I couldn't stop them, and now you have to pilot that monster. I couldn't protect you." He slid down to the floor, his face in his hands.  
  
Hikari's heart was torn with how much this boy cared, about her, about everyone. She walked up behind him and put her arms around him. She felt him squeeze her hand, and the two teens stayed like that until the Section 2 agents came and separated them, Hikari went back to class, and Shinji was escorted out of school, Hikari watched from the classroom window as he got into the black van and drove off, she didn't know where.  
  
Shinji had not been having fun in the short time he was to remain in Tokyo- 3, he had gone home, packed his bags and waited out the two days in the apartment, or at Nerv.  
  
It was a solemn ceremony in which he had left the apartment, he had accepted handshakes from Kensuke and Kaji, shared a short embrace with a crying Misato, flat out ignored Rei, who he hadn't forgiven for betraying him. He had hugged Asuka, fully expecting a knee in the crotch, but it never came, she had just hugged him back, smiling, and wished him good luck. The hardest part of the goodbye was facing Hikari, he felt like he had failed her, he hugged her tightly, and asked Asuka and Rei to look after her.  
  
With that he had left.  
  
He was at the train station when the angel alarm sounded.  
  
(Ends flashback)  
  
And now here he was, fighting a giant monster in another man-made giant monster, it had gone well at first, he managed to get a few grenades inside it's AT field, and there were cracks in it's core, but the fight wasn't over yet, it didn't matter to him how long the battle lasted, he would win, he would destroy the one who hurt her.  
  
(Flashback)  
  
He had been walking in the fields, heading to a shelter when he saw Unit 2 fighting with the angel, Asuka had been ripping it apart, the angel hadn't seemingly done anything, and Shinji had been hoping for an easy victory.  
  
That hope died soon after, when Asuka slung the angel into a mountain, she had drawn her progressive knife, and charged, when suddenly the angel's razor-thin arms had shot out and sliced through Unit 2's shoulders like paper, blood had gushed back as the Eva staggered back, then charged again.  
  
"ASUKA DON'T!" Shinji screamed, but it was too late, the angel's arm shot out again and Unit 2's head was severed from it's neck. It landed only a few metres from Shinji, and he stared at it with a haunted look. He probably would've stayed like that if Kaji hadn't shown up in his car.  
  
"Shinji, get in, quick." He barked.  
  
"But, but Asuka." Shinji whimpered.  
  
"She's fine, they cut the connection in time, now hurry up and get in!"  
  
The car sped off as soon as Shinji was inside.  
  
"Shinji, we don't have much time. Unit 0 will be up next."  
  
"What do you mean Kaji? I thought Rei was going to pilot Unit 1 from now on."  
  
"Something happened, Unit 1 rejected Rei, so they're gonna send her up in Unit 0 to try and slow the angel down."  
  
"Slow it down, slow it down for what?" Shinji yelled as explosions went off nearby.  
  
"Well the repairs on Unit 0 aren't finished yet, so they need it to keep the angel occupied until they can get a fully functioning Eva sortied, and you know what that means.." Kaji trailed off.  
  
"Hikari!" Shinji gasped.  
  
"But she's only been an Eva pilot for two days, what can she do against an angel this powerful?!"  
  
"I don't know, but desperation limits our choices. There is however, another way, you see, Hikari's Unit 5 isn't the only fully functional Eva at Nerv." Kaji slyly added.  
  
"Unit 1! Kaji, we need to get to Nerv, fast." Shinji exclaimed.  
  
"Where already headed there, we'll be there and have you in Unit 1 in about three minutes," a rumble travelled through the car "and it looks like the clock's running."  
  
"Huh?" Shinji said, not comprehending Kaji's meaning until he saw Unit 0 rising from the ground. The Eva didn't look in the best of condition, it had one arm.  
  
"Ayanami, with no rifle!" Shinji blurted.  
  
"With what she has planned, she doesn't need a rifle." Kaji declared grimly.  
  
It was then that Shinji saw the canister attached to Unit 0's shoulder plate, an N2 mine.  
  
"REI!" He cried, before the mine blew up at point blank range from both Unit 0 and the angel.  
  
They arrived at Central Dogma in time to see the monitor displaying Unit 5 go shooting up from the launch platform.  
  
"Hikari!" Shinji yelled as he jumped out of the car. Kaji hadn't bothered to park the car when inside Nerv, they had simply driven down the corridors because it was faster.  
  
"Shinji!?" Misato yelped, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm here to pilot, Misato. Please don't make Hikari fight alone."  
  
Misato looked to Commander Ikari, saw him nod, then turned back to Shinji, smiling.  
  
"OK Shinji, let's get you out there."  
  
Shinji, in Unit 1, hurtled from the exit just in time to see the Unit 5 get back-handed by the angel. Upon seeing this Shinji's rage grew, and his angered transferred into Unit 1, and together they roared. The angel, who was poised over Unit 5, hesitated at this, and that gave Shinji enough time to position Unit 1 between the two. Shinji then expanded his AT field, throwing Unit 5 back out if danger.  
  
As soon as Shinji was sure Hikari was safe, he turned his attention to the angel.  
  
"Don't worry Hikari, I'll handle this."  
  
(End flashback)  
  
Now Unit 1 and the angel were engaged in a frantic dance, Shinji had his progressive knife in his left hand, but was unable to use it because the angel had wrapped one of it's arms around that hand, so both combatants were effectively fighting bare-fisted and one handed, which was bad for Shinji as the angel's arms were weapons in themselves. In the last minute Shinji hadn't attacked, just tried to stop himself from getting impaled on the angel's free arm.  
  
Throughout the fight, only one thing was going through Shinji's mind.  
  
I have to win this, if I don't Hikari will have to fight this bastard, and she doesn't have the experience to win. I won't let that happen, I'll beat this guy, even if I die, I'll take him with me. With these thoughts, a deadly calm settled over Shinji, he knew that if he could beat the angel, his life was forfeit. He wasn't fighting to save himself, he was fighting to save those he cared about, which meant that he could cut lose, he didn't need to look after himself or Unit 1 in the fight, whether if them got damaged was meaningless, he could do anything.  
  
He stopped blocking the stabs from the angel's free hand and just let it hit him. The angel drew back it's arm and launched it's strike. The blade went straight through Unit 1's side without noticeably slowing down. The pain didn't even register with Shinji until he heard a scream from behind him.  
  
Shinji looked, and saw Unit 5 kneeling down, the angel blade piercing through her thigh. Hikari's voice came over the comm. system,  
  
"Sorry Shinji, I just wanted to help." Shinji heard a sigh and opened a link to her entry plug, he saw that she was unconscious. Shinji's fury skyrocketed, and his Eva rose and stood tall, gaining power from his ferocity, and it raised it's arm and brought it down, effortlessly severing the arm which held his progressive knife captive, and he grabbed it. Then, with the Eva's eyes blazing, he reversed it and drove it into the core of the angel.  
  
Withdrawing his hand, leaving the knife in the core, he picked up Hikari's Eva and carried her to the elevator. Only when the doors shut and the car descended did the explosion hit, and Unit 1 keeled over as Shinji's strength left him. 


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer : Don't own Eva.  
  
Author's Note : Really very sorry about not updating for so long, hoping to remedy that from now on. This will be a shorter chapter, but I think it gets across all that I want it to at this moment.  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Hikari's eyes fluttered open and she looked around, she was in a bed, in a white room that smelled sterile, the hospital at NERV, she mused. She tried to sit up, but still felt quite tired so she decided against it.  
  
"How did I get here?" She whispered, and then the memories came flooding back.  
  
(Flashback)  
  
She was in her Eva, watching the furious struggle between Unit 1 and the angel moving back and forth, Unit 1 unable to attack, the angel unable to penetrate it's defences, they were locked in a stalemate, but she knew that eventually the angel would win as it would never tire, while Shinji would succumb to the pain he had to be feeling. She made up her mind, she had to help before that happened, she spotted a rifle on the ground near her and picked it up but didn't fire in case she hit Shinji, she planned to get in close and hit the angel while Shinji had it occupied.  
  
Everything was going to plan, she had gotten quite close when the two brawlers swung around until Shinji was in front of her, so she had to wait until he moved. She was getting the rifle into position when Unit 1 suddenly went still, she had no time to wonder what Shinji was doing when a silver blur emerged from Unit 1's back and slammed into her thigh, obliterating the armour there as if it was nothing, and then the pain came, a roaring wave that shattered her thoughts and blasted out of her mouth. Hikari remembered speaking to Shinji as her sight was fading to black, then ....  
  
(End flashback)  
  
After reliving this, she realised that she wasn't the only one who was hurt, and she struggled out of bed, got dressed into her clothes and went to find the other pilots.  
  
Shinji was staring out of the window in his hospital room when he heard the door his behind him, expecting another doctor or Misato, he was surprised to see Hikari there. He tried to smile but there was no joy in it.  
  
"Hi Hikari, how're you feeling?" He said sadly.  
  
"I'm fine Shinji, but what happened to your stomach?" she questioned.  
  
He looked down at his unbuttoned shirt, revealing the bandages wrapped around his torso.  
  
"Oh this, it's just a cut, it's nothing to worry about. How's you leg?" He had seen the slight limp she had when coming in.  
  
"It's fine, a little sore from getting stabbed but there doesn't seem to be any permanent damage." She sat down on the bed. Hikari paused, wondering whether to mention the next part to Shinji "It hurt a lot, but I'm glad I got hit...." She stopped when she heard Shinji chuckling.  
  
"I never figured you for a masochist Hikari, you into S&M too?" He joked, but he soon stopped and looked at her with tears in his eyes "That sounded like something Toji would say didn't it?"  
  
"That's why I'm glad that I got hit, Shinji, because I guess I fainted, but just before I did I felt something, and it felt like him.... Like Toji, and I felt like.... Like....." Hikari broke off as the sadness hit her.  
  
"I miss him so much Shinji! And I'll never get him back, I've known him for a long time, and even though he annoyed me he was always there when he was needed, I could see it every time he stood up for you to Asuka and others, he was a great friend, and I should've known him better than I did.  
  
I'm sorry, I thought I was past this but what I felt in the Eva just brought it all back, he's gone, that's all there is too it!" She broke down sobbing.  
  
Shinji hated this, he watched the girl break down right in front of him, and he knew it was his fault, he should've stopped it somehow, but that was just a fool's wish, he couldn't stop it now, but he could help her through it. Shinji didn't want Hikari to end up like Ayanami, surge of anger rising through him as the though of her recent betrayal came to mind, Shinji didn't want Hikari to end up like that, a cold, emotionless doll who only did what someone said. He walked up to her and put his arms around her, holding her gently and tightly. Hikari looked up at him and he was struck by the kindness and beauty he saw in her brown eyes.  
  
"Hikari, at the funeral I told Toji that I would protect you so that nothing like what happened to him would ever happen to anyone again, but that's not the only reason now, I'm not just protecting you for yours and Toji's sakes, I'm protecting you for Asuka, and Mari and Nozomi and all of those people in Tokyo-3 who are counting on us. And there's one more reason that I'm protecting you Hikari.......... I'm protecting you for me."  
  
"I love you Hikari." And Shinji drew her into a gentle kiss, feeling her stiffen, and then relax into the kiss as the two teens with a mutual loss shared grief for the fallen. 


	10. Notice to readers!

Notice  
  
In the last couple of reviews that I've had some people have commented that the story may have been a bit rushed, and they might be right, so therefore I am giving you a choice, I ask you to put in reviews for this notice your opinion as to whether I should redo the story so far (I will only redo chapters 6-9, I think the first 5 are fine, but I may add in a few more chapters), or whether I should carry on with the story as it is. The majority vote will win, so it's up to you, but if I see more than one vote per person, then I will only use their first one.  
  
I won't continue the story until I get some feedback in any case, so please reply soon, thank you.  
  
Amethyst Wind.  
  
P.S. – To the reviewer who had a go at me because this wasn't a Shinji- Asuka fic, what's the matter with you!? If you had actually read the story then you would have see, as all of the others had, that this never has been, never will be, and still isn't a Shinji-Asuka fic. Also, try to tone down the language in your reviews. 


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer : Don't own Eva, Gainax does.  
  
Chapter 10  
  
Hikari finally broke the kiss and looked up at Shinji.  
  
"Shinji, are you sure you know what you mean?" she asked, unprepared for what he had just told her.  
  
"I think so. Through my friendship with Toji I became friends with you too, and I was fine with that. Things might have gone differently if I had realised my feelings for you before Toji, but I didn't. I saw Toji's interest with you, and I was glad because you both made each other happy, so any feelings I may have had at that time were forgotten as I wanted to support Toji. It wasn't until after he died, when I came to see you at your house, that I began to realise that you were a much bigger part of my life than I realised. When it was just you and me and little Nozomi, it felt right, it felt like I belonged there, like a family.  
  
Even then, I was still hurting from Toji's death to fully comprehend the feelings, but as I got over my grief I grew closer to you, and my feelings were brought to the surface. That was why I was so against you becoming a pilot, I was terrified of something happening to you. I wasn't just thinking about physical problems either. You are so kind and gentle and welcoming, you seem to make everything better with a few words, I didn't want you to lose that, I didn't want you to change because of Eva. It's happened to others. Because they killed her father, Misato has become so obsessed with destroying the angels that she held a gun on me when I tried to stop Ritsuko from recruiting you. But please don't be angry with her, she was just doing what she thought was right, she's just been around warfare for so long that it came naturally to her. I was scared that something like that would happen to you. I felt so bad that they didn't listen to me and you had to become a pilot, I felt even worse because I wasn't there to help you. I tried to stay here, I really did, but there was no one at Nerv who were interested in what a deserter had to say, so I had no choice but to leave. And then the angel came. If it wasn't for Kaji then I might not have been able to help.  
  
Do you know how I was able to beat that angel Hikari? I thought of you getting hurt, not Rei, not Asuka, but you. Of course I would have been very upset if they had died, but without you I would've shattered, you mean more to me than anyone in the world, and that bond convinced me that I had to do whatever I could to beat that monster, what happened to me wasn't important at that moment, all I cared about was you, and when it hit you, I went dark inside. I was angry, and nothing the angel could do would save it from me. I don't really remember much after that, except I picked up your Eva and carried it back, but I don't know what happened to the angel, I suppose it's gone, since we're still alive, and you are the reason. It's because of you that everyone is alive, you gave me strength, and I have no doubt that I would've fallen if you weren't in my life."  
  
"That is my love for you Hikari." He stated solemnly.  
  
Hikari was stunned, she had never before heard anyone speak so passionately about anything before, and Shinji had spoken about her, she had never realised that she could be so important that someone was willing to give up their own life to protect her, until she heard Shinji speak, she had no idea that she he felt so strongly for her, and now she realised that everything she was to him, he was to her.  
  
"Shinji, I didn't do anything, I know, and probably have known for a long time, that you had that power within you all this time, and you will always triumph, no matter who you fight for, because you have that capacity to love. I may not be as sure as you are of this path, but I will walk it with you for an eternity, if you will let me."  
  
With that she rushed to Shinji and he held her as fiercely as she held him, and she whispered to him,  
  
"I love you too. With all that I can, I love you."  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
"Hey, Shinji!" Kensuke yelled as Shinji walked into the classroom. He turned and headed in his direction.  
  
"How are you man?" Kensuke no longer asked about the Evas after Shinji retuned from Nerv business, he gave up military worship because of what happened to Toji, now he only made sure that his friend was alright.  
  
"I'm fine Kensuke, no worries. How about you?" Shinji replied.  
  
They spent the morning chatting about nothing of importance, girls, cars, baseball, normal stuff for teenage boys to talk about. Then lunch came and Shinji Kensuke went to get his lunch from the cafeteria, he would find Shinji when he had bought it.  
  
Kensuke didn't find Shinji in the classroom and went looking for him. He found went out into the courtyard and saw him talking with Hikari under the sakura trees. He started over to them as they seemed to be talking happily and he didn't think they would mind company, but he stopped when he saw Shinji place his hand over Hikari's and speak softly to her.  
  
That, that traitor! He thought with rage, and stormed over to them.  
  
"Just what's going on here?!" he demanded. Shinji and Hikari were startled by this and looked up at him.  
  
"What do you mean Kensuke?" Shinji asked, confused.  
  
"You two! That's what I mean!"  
  
Shinji looked back at Hikari, received a nod, and turned back to Kensuke.  
  
"I love Hikari." Shinji stated simply.  
  
Kensuke swung his fist around and punched Shinji across the jaw, knocking him to the ground. He advanced on him menacingly.  
  
"YOU BACKSTABBING BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO TOJI?!" He shouted, moving in to punch him again.  
  
"Kensuke! Leave him alone." Hikari grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away. Kensuke shoved her aside.  
  
"You know that Toji liked Hikari, how could you do this Shinji!?! Were you seeing her behind Toji's back?"  
  
"No," Shinji said, getting up "I only realised my feelings for her a short time ago."  
  
"But why Hikari, there are plenty of girls interested in you, we just talked about them this morning, what about Kimiko, or Hanmio? Why are you trying to load your grief for Toji onto her? She misses him too you know."  
  
Shinji closed the gap between them instantly, grabbing him by the collar.  
  
"Listen here Kensuke, I am not just using Hikari as a crutch, I love her, and I am sharing her pain as she is sharing mine, we want to be together and we are helping each other."  
  
Kensuke looked over at Hikari.  
  
"Is that true?" She nodded. Shinji released him. Kensuke looked from one to the other, before shaking his head.  
  
"I don't know, I still have mixed feelings about this." And with that he started walking away. He had gotten about twenty meters before he heard a familiar, if not exactly friendly, voice.  
  
"You should be happy, Mr. Aida, and proud, that out of this sad event two of those most hurt by it have found something new and wonderful." Rei Ayanami explained softly, while looking across the courtyard at Shinji and Hikari. Kensuke looked at her sceptically.  
  
"You don't sound particularly happy yourself, Rei." Kensuke pointed out.  
  
"Perhaps I am not, but my happiness is not important." And then she walked away, leaving Kensuke with his thoughts.  
  
She's right about them, but she seems so sad herself, maybe I should try to make her feel better.  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
Misato Katsuragi stepped into the office of Gendo Ikari, noting the strange design on the ceiling, and began the trek to the commander's desk, 35 metres away.  
  
"You wanted to see me sir?"  
  
"Yes Major, I have been reviewing our current situation and have come to the conclusion that we have four pilots capable of piloting and only two functional Evangelion units, therefore, the pilots will undergo cross- synchronisation tests to ascertain whether we can rotate the pilots if they are unable to pilot their own Evangelions. I have already given the order to Dr. Akagi, but as guardian to pilots Soryu and Ikari you will be the one to tell them. Understood?"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Very well, that is all. Dismissed."  
  
Commander Ikari watched her leave, then turned his head towards the room's other occupant.  
  
"Your opinion, professor?" He inquired. Kozo Fuyutski, who had remained silent while Misato was in the room, spoke up while still looking at the door that she had left by.  
  
"She accepted it based on the tactical sense of it, but she no doubt has her suspicions about hidden reasons for this."  
  
"It is of no consequence, as intelligent as she is, she will not contemplate the true goal of these tests until it is too late. Either way it is done now, but we have no time to chat, we must meet with the committee soon."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
The synchronisation tests began, Unit 2 was not repaired enough to be included in the tests so the test for compatibility with it was scheduled for another time, but the remaining Evas were all tested. Rei was first, but was rejected by Unit 1, as she had been during the last angel battle, she did sync with Unit 5, but her sync ratio was only 22%, not enough to be useful in combat. Asuka's tests revealed a roughly 40% sync ratio with each of the other Evas, which equalled Shinji's first scores in Unit 1, but the technical staff were unconvinced that it was enough, as the angels appeared to be getting stronger. Next Hikari was tested in Unit 0, but she had an even lower ratio than Rei had in hers. She was then tested in unit 1.  
  
Ritsuko Akagi looked up from the computer screen and spoke into the comm. device.  
  
"Are you ready Hikari?" A screen popped up with a view of the entry plug.  
  
"Yes, I'm ready."  
  
"Alright, let's begin then." Ritsuko turned to the tech crew.  
  
"Begin the test."  
  
Inside the plug Hikari waited nervously, as this was only her second time inside a real Eva and, truth be told, she was somewhat afraid of the giant fighting machines. She heard a hum and tried to relax as the Eva went through it's start-up procedure, the plug filling with different colours, red, white, rainbow, blacks and blues, then the view changed to a view of the control box as seen through the Eva's eyes. She calmed down as nothing seemed to be going wrong. She closed her eyes and waited for the test to end. Then she became aware of something.  
  
"It smells like Shinji." She whispered quietly, a small smile forming on her lips.  
  
Her mind raced as she felt a presence approach her, openly at first, then it seemed to halt and back-off as though surprised. She felt soft tinglings, which withdrew sharply. It reminded her of a kitten, pawing at something new and then jumping back in case of danger. Hikari remembered what she had felt in her Eva and realised she may not be far off, satisfied with her idea she projected a simple thought towards the presence.  
  
Don't be afraid. I mean you know harm.  
  
She felt a change at that moment, and the presence returned more strongly, not threateningly, but warmly, wrapping her in a mental embrace filled with happy satisfaction, again like a kitten overcoming it's fears and coming close to share the comfort. She opened her mind to it and it seemed to start prowling around her brain, images flashed before her eyes, memories, both old and recent. It tickled slightly.  
  
Hikari became aware of Ritsuko speaking to her.  
  
"...have you at around 35% sync, not bad for your first time in a different Eva. We're ending the test now."  
  
"No wait," she started "not yet, I don't think it's finished looking."  
  
"What do you mean Hikari, what's looking? At what?" Ritsuko asked, confused.  
  
"There's something here, I don't know what exactly, but......it feels like a soul.  
  
It's searching me mind, but it's not bad, it's gentle, I think it's just trying to get to know me better." She started giggling as a memory of her and Asuka at a theme park.  
  
"Hey you," she began, smiling,  
  
"That one tickled." She sensed happiness from the presence as well, then it continued it's searching. Hikari saw some more images, Nozomi, Asuka, Kensuke, then she saw her and Shinji together in the hospital room, the presence stopped and the memory stayed. She sensed joy and something else, it reminded her of the look on her mother's face when they went to see Nozomi's school play, pride perhaps? Hikari felt the presence returning to her, and then she experienced a rush of sensation, something inside her was growing, and it was wonderful. She heard lots of chatter over the comm. and tuned in to hear what they were saying.  
  
"......amazing, it just jumped to 73%, and it's holding!"  
  
"Incredible." Ritsuko whispered as she looked at the data screen, then turned to smile at Hikari.  
  
"Well done Miss Horaki. I think we should end it there for now. Wait a moment while we disconnect you."  
  
Ritsuko signed off and Hikari's thoughts went to the fading presence.  
  
Goodbye, I hope we see each other again soon. She sent to it. She received something that felt like an agreement, then it's touch left her as the Eva powered down.  
  
Sighing contently, she got out as the plug opened.  
  
Author's note : I had originally intended for this to be the middle of chapter 10, but it seemed like a good moment to end it. Since I already know what the other half of Chapter 10 was, which will now be chapter 11 and maybe 12, expect it soon.  
  
Also, I want to apologise to any KensukeRei writers out there. I always used to dislike that they were paired because it seemed unlikely, but now I've got some in my story, granted only a few lines, but I was surprised at the ease with which I was able to put that in. I am considering furthering this side-plot, so apologies to those writers.  
  
R & R please, thanks. 


	12. Chapter 11

Disclaimer : don't own Eva.  
  
Chapter 11  
  
Hikari was walking down the corridor to the changing rooms when she heard a brash voice call out.  
  
"Hey, Hikari!"  
  
Hikari turned to find Asuka running towards her with a smile on her face.  
  
"How'd you do?" The redhead questioned excitedly.  
  
"The sync test? It started rocky, but they say it got a lot better." Hikari replied, thinking back to the presence she felt in the Eva.  
  
"Got better? How can a sync ratio get a lot better in half an hour?" Asuka asked, confused.  
  
"I don't know, according to Dr. Akagi I started at around 35%, but then it got comfortable with me and my score went up to....I think they said it was 73%."  
  
"WHAT?!?" Asuka screamed, startling Hikari.  
  
"I mean, congratulations Hikari." She quickly flashed an insincere smile, while inside she was anything but happy.  
  
How could this happen? Asuka's mind shrieked, first that baka gets a 40% sync on his first try, then Hikari gets a better score than I get in my own Eva on a bad day. This isn't fair, I'm the one who's been training for this my whole life, how dare they do this to me! I'm the greatest Eva pilot, ME! Not them, why is this happening. She shook herself out of her internal rant as her brain processed another part of Hikari's sentence.  
  
"Wait!" she yelled "What do you mean 'it got comfortable with me', what did?"  
  
"The Eva." Hikari answered simply.  
  
"The Eva? It's just a big machine, it doesn't get comfortable, it's not even alive. You're out of your mind Hikari."  
  
"You mean you don't feel that presence when you get into your Eva Asuka? That's a pity, it's really friendly when it gets to know you. I kinda felt it at the end of the last angel battle, before I fainted, it was different than the one in Shinji's Eva, the one in mine felt like Toji."  
  
"I think it's a soul."  
  
"A soul for the Eva? Yeah right Hikari." Asuka snorted derisively. Seeing Hikari's hurt look, she relented slightly.  
  
"Alright, let's say I believe you. How does this thing 'get comfortable' with you?" she demanded.  
  
"Well, it searched my memories and..." she trailed off as she noticed Asuka stiffen suddenly.  
  
It searches your memories, Asuka thought, is that what I will have to do to increase my sync? but I don't want to remember my past. What am I gonna do? She became aware of Hikari staring worriedly at her. She quickly composed herself.  
  
"Sorry Hikari, zoned out for a bit there, go on, it searches your memories. Then what?" She pressed.  
  
"Well, it looked around a bit, really gently too, and then it found a memory it really liked, and then my sync ratio shot up, I don't know why, it was like I passed a test of something."  
  
"So which memory did it like," Asuka inquired enthusiastically, her previous scorn forgotten as she was eager to learn more.  
  
"I bet I know, it was when me and you found that camera in the showers, we had a lot of fun messing around with the guy who planted it there...No wait, maybe it was the time we went to the funfair, that was great, or maybe it was when..." Asuka was happily reminiscing when Hikari cut her off.  
  
"Actually Asuka, you weren't in the memory." Hikari steeled herself against what she knew was coming.  
  
"WHADUYA MEAN I WASN'T THERE!? IF I WASN'T THEN WHO WAS? TELL ME!" commanded Asuka.  
  
Hikari looked away and sighed, she had a good idea as to how this conversation would turn out.  
  
"Shinji." She replied calmly.  
  
"Shinji?!" Asuka asked incredulously "When were you and Shinji together without me?"  
  
"A couple of times after....Toji died, but this was after the last angel attack, I woke up in hospital and went looking for someone to find out what happened, and I found Shinji, in the about 10 rooms down from mine. He told me what happened with the angel, he said he beat it, but he said it was because of me, then he kissed me." She finished.  
  
"HE WHAT? How dare he do that, I'm gonna smack him so hard his Eva's soul'll feel it!" Asuka turned around , about to set off in search of the young pilot in question, but Hikari laid a hand on her shoulder, gently restraining her.  
  
"Wait Asuka, that isn't all he did,"  
  
HE DID MORE?THAT UNBELIEVABLE BASTARD, WHAT ELSE DID HE DO TO MY FRIEND? Asuka readied herself to receive whatever depraved act Shinji had done to Hikari, but the answer stunned her.  
  
"He said he loved me."  
  
"But, but, but..." Asuka trailed off, completely shocked. How could this happen, this can't be right, I was so sure, I mean after the volcano...  
  
"Asuka," Hikari began, shaking her out of her reverie.  
  
"I love him too." Hikari informed her, expecting her friend to be happy for her, but the German's face whipped round to face her, anger and betrayal in her eyes.  
  
"Well...FINE! You two deserve each other." Asuka hissed bitterly, before turning and fleeing down the corridor, tears flying from her eyes.  
  
Hikari watched her go with mixed feelings, she was angry at Asuka for what she said, but she was also sorry as she remembered her theory about Asuka and Shinji before Toji's death.  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
"Okay Shinji, we're about to start the test, just do what you do in Unit 1, alright?"  
  
"Okay Ritsuko, go for it." Replied Shinji.  
  
In the control box Ritsuko turned to Misato.  
  
"He seems different, usually he just sits there meekly and waits for the test to start, has anything happened to facilitate this change?"  
  
The lavender-haired major considered for a moment before answering.  
  
"Well something must have, because he's been acting this way since I went to see him in the hospital after the battle, he even stood up to Asuka at dinner..."  
  
(Flashback)  
  
Misato, Asuka and Shinji were eating dinner when Asuka, having finished her meal, decided to try, in her abusive way, to help Shinji with his confidence.  
  
"So Third Child, I heard you fainted at the end of the fight. What a wuss." Asuka joked, adding a slight laugh. She was about to continue when Shinji spoke up.  
  
"At least I didn't scream." Shinji replied monotonously, as he got up to wash his plate, and it took a moment for his words to sink in. When they did, while Asuka struggled to think of a comeback, Misato shot Shinji a surprised glance, and he half-turned his head to her so that Asuka wouldn't see, and flashed her a toothy smile, it reminded Misato of the grin Kaji wore when he had been playing her on the carrier Over The Rainbow, and she realised that Shinji was doing the same thing, he was playing Asuka. Asuka then decided to save whatever face she could.  
  
"The angel cut off my Eva's arms, you can't blame me for making a slight noise due to the pain, you probably been hoping around crying if it happened to you...Baka." Asuka finished smugly, confident that she had the upper hand again, but as she was celebrating her so-called "victory", Shinji addressed her again.  
  
"Well I guess we'll never know, will we Asuka, seeing as how I fought the angel for longer than you, and while my Eva has a small cut in it's side, you will notice it still has it's arms attached." His tone was the vocal equivalent of a smirk. Shinji turned to face them.  
  
"Well I'm kinda tired, I'm gonna go to bed," he looked at his guardian "Good night Misato," then he flicked his gaze over to Asuka  
  
"As for fainting at the end of the fight, Second Child, at least I made it that far, seeing as I was the one who killed the thing." With that he tossed Asuka a sarcastic salute, sent a jaunty wave in Misato's direction, and left the dining room, grinning.  
  
When he was gone Misato complimentarily raised an eyebrow in the direction of his room, then switched back to her other ward, hiding her own smirk with her beer can.  
  
"Damn Cheshire Cat!" Asuka muttered before crossing her arms and proceeding to sulk.  
  
(End flashback)  
  
"He's been really down since his his friend died, hopefully this is him just now getting over it, maybe he's taken that as a wake-up call and decided to be more outgoing and friendly, it'd certainly be a welcome change to what we're used to from him. He seems happy, or closer to it than he's ever been before."  
  
"That's true, hopefully this'll all end well. Anyway, let's see how he's doing shall we?" They two women turned back to the monitors.  
  
Okay, Shinji thought, nothing's gone wrong so far, this is just like in Unit 1, well maybe a little different, it's like an itch in my head, but not quite.  
  
"How is it there Shinji?"  
  
"This thing kinda smells like Hikari." He replied with a soft smile, his thoughts turning to the brown-haired girl he loved.  
  
I still feel bad tat Hikari got dragged into this maybe I should take her someplace nice to make it up to her, I'll ask Misato if she knows any good places downtown.  
  
It'll be nice, just me and Hikari, I....AAARGH, what's happening!? It felt like a spike had been driven into his brain. He was briefly aware of vibrations as the Eva broke free of it's bindings and ripped off the neck plate which covered the entry plug. All rational thought was blasted from his mind as he was pummelled by the sides of the plug as it was force ejected from the Eva. He experienced a moment of weightlessness as the plug dropped, but the technicians caught it in an emergency net before the sudden impact with the ground, saving him from serious injury.  
  
Deciding not to remain in the dark about events, he used the entry plug's built in comm. equipment to patch into the holding area cameras. He saw bakelite everywhere, but what was more shocking was the Eva's hand, restrained not two meters from the plug.  
  
It felt like him...like Toji.  
  
Hikari's words returned to him as he stared at the beast before him, it's glowing eyes blazing a final time before fading to black. As he waited to be dug out, Shinji wondered what would happen to Hikari the next time she got into the Evangelion.  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
"Shinji! You're ok!" He stepped forward, pulling Hikari into a tight embrace as she buried her face in his neck for a moment before looking up at him with concern in her eyes.  
  
"Misato told me what happened with the Eva. It's so unfair, I had such a nice time in yours too." She smiled as she recalled the encounter with the gentle spirit of Eva Unit 1. Shinji caught that smile, and took a moment to appreciate how lucky he was.  
  
"Good for you Hikari, congratulations on the high sync rate, I guess that means if I'm out of action and so is your Eva, that means you're up in mine." Hikari smiled sweetly at him.  
  
"So how did you do in mine?" She inquired.  
  
"Well I was getting around a 50% sync ratio, but then something happened.  
  
To put it bluntly I got kicked out, not only that but I think the Eva tried to attack me afterwards, when I had a look at the camera images it looked like the Eva was trying to get to my entry plug..."  
  
He gasped as a thought hit him.  
  
It was like the dummy plug.  
  
He unconsciously held Hikari a little tighter.  
  
Author's note : I have probably earned the wrath of all ShinjiAsuka fans now, flames welcome, just keep the language moderate.  
  
R & R please. 


	13. Chapter 12

Author's Note : Because of fanfiction.net always fucking up my fonts, I'm going to start using the system a lot of other author's are using :  
  
"speech"  
  
Thoughts  
  
Disclaimer : Don't own Eva.  
  
Chapter 12  
  
"TELL ME THE TRUTH!"  
  
"That is impossible, pilot Soryu, as the only 'truth' you will accept is no longer reality."  
  
"What do you know Wondergirl?! How could you possibly understand what truth is, dolls can't do that."  
  
"Then you must be a doll, as you can't differentiate between truth and desire." Rei Replied calmly. Asuka's eyes widened in rage.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT!" she shrieked and slapped Rei. Rei stumbled back a few feet but kept her footing. Asuka charged, blind to everything else, her only focus was making the girl in front of her pay for calling her a doll. She launched her fist towards Rei's face, but before it reached her, a pair of hands grabbed her arm and a leg appeared in front of her, unbalancing her and sending her flying past Rei, who sidestepped smoothly.  
  
Asuka rolled across the courtyard for a few feet before scrambling upright to glare incredulously at the one who dared to assault her.  
  
"Stooge?!?" she spluttered in disbelief.  
  
Kensuke Aida straightened before looking at Asuka angrily.  
  
"I don't know why you are angry Asuka, but I won't let you hurt Rei when she has done nothing to you." He spread his arms wide,  
  
"Hit me if you must, but leave Rei alone."  
  
"Gladly." Asuka hissed, and waded in.  
  
Kensuke didn't fight back, and he received a number of bruises on his legs and chest, and he thought the pain couldn't get worse than that until Asuka kicked him in the crotch, which dropped him onto one knee, then Asuka pivoted on one leg and kicked him viciously in the side, and he heard a crack, and he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain, and tried to steel himself against the next blows. He heard an impact, but didn't feel anything. Confused, he opened his eyes, and stared in shock at the sight. Asuka was on the ground, not moving, with a large red mark on her jaw, and Rei, standing next to him, leg still raised.  
  
"Rei..." He gasped "Is she..."  
  
"Do not be concerned, she is merely unconscious, if I wanted to kill her I would have aimed for her temple." Rei replied monotonously as she helped him up. When they had made sure he could stand, Rei turned to him.  
  
"Why did you protect me Mr. Aida?" She inquired, looking at him intently. Kensuke squirmed under her gaze.  
  
"Well, Asuka was wrong and she was using you as a way to vent her frustrations, and I wasn't going to let her hurt, for no reason, someone who I consider my friend." He explained solemnly.  
  
"Kensuke..." Rei said softly "Thank you." She finished, smiling at him. Kensuke looked at her and his eyes widened.  
  
"Wow, I thought Shinji was over exaggerating," He smiled back "but you really are beautiful when you smile."  
  
"I...Thank you Kensuke." Rei looked away, blushing, then caught site of Asuka. She quickly took out her phone.  
  
"I must inform commander Ikari of pilot Soryu's actions." She began to dial when a hand gently wrapped itself around her own.  
  
"Wait Rei, maybe you should call Misato instead."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well, from what Shinji tells me, his dad is very fond of you, and he doesn't seem very forgiving. If you report what happened here, he may just ship Asuka back to Germany, and I don't want that to happen."  
  
"Why not? You obviously dislike her."  
  
"That's true, but I'm not the only one involved in this, if I got Asuka sent back to Germany for fighting with me, what would that do to Shinji, or Hikari, I mean she's Asuka's best friend. You saw what I did a few days ago, I've already wronged those two once, and even if I don't like her personally, I'll gladly suffer her if it makes Shinji and Hikari happy. So you should tell Misato, we can probably persuade her to keep this from the commander. I know you look to him as your guardian Rei, but he may not take the best course of action in this, Misato will." Rei considered this for a moment before agreeing.  
  
"You are truly caring Kensuke, and I would be honoured to call you my friend." And she smiled again. Kensuke smiled back but soon stopped as the pain from his side ran through him again.  
  
"Now friend, let us go and get your injury looked at, if we do not the bone may not heal right."  
  
"Your friend has a name Rei." Kensuke replied, laughing weakly.  
  
"I know. We should go...friend." Rei gently guided him in the direction of the hospital.  
  
Did Rei just make a joke? Maybe she just needs a little prodding to come out of her shell. I hope so, because if she looks that beautiful when she smiles, when she laughs she must be stunning. The pain in his side was forgotten as Kensuke visualised the image of Rei Ayanami laughing, of genuine cheer on her face.  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
In the hospital, Kensuke asked Rei the question that had been bothering him.  
  
"What was Asuka asking you Rei? When I arrived she was screaming at you to 'tell her the truth'. What about?"  
  
"Pilot Soryu was attempting to ascertain whether it was true that Shinji had feelings for Pilot Horaki. She seemed to be operating under the mistaken belief that Shinji was engaging in improper activities with me, apparently Pilot Horaki told her of her mistake. Pilot Soryu gave the impression that she was displeased with these revelations and she was trying to make me confess to having intercourse with Shinji, which I have not done."  
  
Kensuke thought for a moment before speaking.  
  
"Hmm, I have a theory about this. I think Asuka is jealous.  
  
I don't mean any offence Rei, but Asuka wanted to believe that you were having 'intercourse' as you put it with Shinji because she didn't perceive you as a threat, as she still occupied the majority of Shinji's time and had the closest proximity to him, in other words she thought she could control him, so if she decided to act on her feelings then she believed she could draw Shinji away from you.  
  
It's different with Hikari, I'm sure you've noticed that Shinji has become more confident recently, meaning Asuka has lost a lot, if not all, of her control over him. Also, Hikari is Asuka's best friend, so as she sees it Hikari has stolen Shinji from her and she feels betrayed. I think she panicked and started getting desperate, therefore she tried to get a false confession from you to try to break those two apart.  
  
I would watch out for Asuka if I were you Rei. You know how arrogant she is and if she sees Shinji as hers then she may use extreme measures to get him back, including getting rid of other threats to her relationship with him, i.e. you and Hikari. Be careful okay? I don't want anything to happen to you because of some big-headed German and her warped world view."  
  
"Thank you for your concern Kensuke, I will take your thoughts under advisement. I shall watch over Pilot Horaki as well, as you said yourself that she was also in danger." Kensuke smiled at her.  
  
"Thank you Rei, it's good to know that someone is looking out for my friends when I'm not around. Hopefully you'll let me look after you at the times that I can, that is what friends do after all."  
  
"I would be honoured Kensuke, but for now it looks like you are finished here, please could we leave? I do not like hospitals." Rei stated.  
  
"Sure we can leave Rei, but why didn't you tell me that you didn't like the place? I could've gotten here on my own. I wouldn't want to trouble you."  
  
"Do not worry, I was 'looking out for you' my friend." She said, a small smile on her face, drawing a grin from Kensuke as they got up to leave.  
  
As they were leaving the hospital Kensuke spoke up.  
  
"Rei, I need to ask you one more favour."  
  
"Name it."  
  
"Since Hikari is with Shinji, and she's an Eva pilot, I think you should try to get to know her better. I think you two would get along great."  
  
"I agree with your judgement Kensuke. I shall try to become closer with Hikari." Agreed Rei.  
  
"Wait, you called her Hikari, what happened to 'Pilot Horaki'?" Kensuke joked.  
  
"I am calling her by her first name, that is what friends do after all." She smirked, drawing a laugh from Kensuke.  
  
You learn quickly Rei, I think we'll all benefit from being your friends.  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
Hikari and Shinji entered the test chamber hand-in-hand, this time for a sync test with their own Evas, only parting ways to head for their separate Evas. On the way both of them spared glances at Units 0 and 2, the former now sporting a new left arm, fully regenerated after the incidence with Unit 3, the latter with it's head re-attached and new arms, all signs of damage erased, both units were looking completely normal. The same could not be said for the pilots. Asuka constantly furious, completely stonewalling everyone else, while Rei had actually approached Hikari and asked to talk with her after the test, only the fourth person who she had actually initiated a conversation with, the other three being Shinji, Kensuke, and she had talked briefly with Toji before he died, Hikari had happily agreed to talk with her.  
  
The test progressed with no problems, Shinji registered a 7% sync increase, Asuka was down 2%, but given her mood it was simply written off as her having a bad day. Rei increased by 3%, not as much as Shinji, but since her sync ratio had always increased slower than Shinji's it was seem as good progress.  
  
The other pilots were waiting in their Evas under passive observation as they waited for the tests to end, Shinji and Rei were relaxing with their eyes closed, while Asuka was quietly muttering to herself, but all three pilots were startled into attention by Hikari's scream. Shinji's and Rei's eyes snapped open instantly, while Asuka cast about looking for the noise. Shinji hooked into the camera and saw what was happening instantly.  
  
"HIKARI!" he screamed, as he saw her Eva struggling against it's restraints "Rei, Asuka we have to help her!" Rei replied immediately.  
  
"Agreed Shinji, what do you think we should do?" He was about to reply when Misato cut in.  
  
"We've cut power to the Eva Shinji, just keep it contained until it runs out of juice."  
  
"Rei, you're closest, grab the Eva and hold it for as long as you can, I'll get on board and get the plug out manually. Asuka, you help Rei."  
  
"No." Replied Asuka.  
  
"NO?!? What do you mean no?" Shinji asked, incredulous.  
  
"If she can't handle this then she doesn't deserve to be an Eva pilot." Asuka shot back bitterly.  
  
"SHE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND YOU FUCKING BITCH! Tch, fine, Rei, it's up to you, I'll help out when I've got Hikari. Can you do it alone? Will you be alright?" implored Shinji.  
  
"I will be fine Shinji, help her." Rei stated.  
  
"Alright, thanks Rei, let's go. Misato, release the restraints on Rei's and my Evas, you might as well leave 'em on the red bitch's machine."  
  
"They're being released now Shinji. Good luck."  
  
The moment the restraints disengaged the purple and blue Evas sprang into action, they charged at the wildly bucking green Eva. When they reached it Unit 0 seized it in a vice-like bear hug, trapping one of it's arms, the other still swung wildly, until Unit 1 got behind it and trapped it in an armlock. When that was accomplished Shinji locked the eva down in that position and ejected his plug. He swiftly crawled along the still shaking arm of Unit 5 until he reached the shoulder. He found the switch which triggered the explosives cache which blew off the plating protecting the entry plug, there were no nerve connections in that part of the Eva because of just such an occasion. When he reached the now exposed neck he triggered the manual release for the plug, and it half rose out of the Eva. He crawled up to the door, thankfully the coolant systems were still working so it wasn't as bad as it had been when he'd rescued Rei after the fifth angel. Shinji opened the door, but then the Eva trembled violently, tipping him in. He was so focused on rescuing Hikari that he failed to notice the door closing behind him or the entry plug re-entering the Eva. Shinji fell down the plug until he reached the pilot's chair.  
  
"SHINJI!" Hikari, in tears, threw herself into his arms.  
  
"Hikari." He said softly as he held her close.  
  
Then a blinding radiance surrounded them.  
  
.............................................................................................................  
  
Unit 5's eyes flashed pure white, then Units 0 & 1 were thrown back as it extended it's AT field, shaking the entire area, then it collapsed, it's eyes fading to black.  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
As the dust inside the control box cleared, Misato, Ritsuko and the rest of the technical crew picked themselves up and took their seats.  
  
"What happened?" Misato asked, noticeably spooked.  
  
"Expanding it's AT field must've used up the last of it's energy." Guessed Ritsuko.  
  
Misato looked over at the brown-haired female technician.  
  
"Maya, get me a visual on the inside of the plug, Shinji and Hikari are in there."  
  
"Right away Major." She brought up the image, then gasped.  
  
"What is it?" Misato and Ritsuko asked at the same time, both rushing over to the screen.  
  
Inside the plug were two empty plug suits, Shinji's blue and white, and Hikari's green.  
  
"Where are they?" Ritsuko demanded.  
  
"Major, we're getting a high energy reading!" Misato looked to Aoba, who had spoken, with hope in her eyes.  
  
"Is it Shinji?" He shook his head.  
  
"It's not here, it's in orbit." Silence descended upon the room.  
  
"Angel." Whispered Ritsuko. 


	14. Chapter 13

Disclaimer : Don't own Eva, Gainax does.  
  
Chapter 13  
  
Asuka looked up as the detention room door hissed open, and her expression brightened upon seeing who it was.  
  
"KAJI!" she exclaimed gleefully. Kaji ignored her and looked around the bare room. He sniffed the air, it smelled strongly of LCL, as Asuka had been thrown in there the moment she got out of her Eva. Asuka stood up from the bed and started walking towards him.  
  
"I'm so glad you're here, you can get me out of here. Misato and everyone are being so unfair, they all act like it's my fault, of course you don't think..." her speech was cut short when Kaji spun, grabbed her arm and slapped her as hard as he could, then threw her to the back of the room. Asuka shrank back when he looked at her, as his eyes held none of the kindness and cheer they usually did, now they held only anger and contempt. When he spoke, his voice was razor-edged.  
  
"You didn't expect that from me did you? Then perhaps it will put things in perspective, maybe this time you will finally realise how badly you FUCKED THIS UP! Look at the situation we're in now you STUPID GIRL! We have two missing pilots and an Angel on the way, all because you didn't want to help your friends. From what I've heard, they're the only ones you've got, because no-one in NERV will ever respect you again. I always put your arrogance down to you being spoilt, but now I see that you just don't give a fuck about anyone but yourself. Don't expect me or Misato to bail you out, you're going to sit in here until the angel comes, and I guarantee things won't be the same after that either, at the rate you're going you'll probably be shipped back to Germany as soon as possible, without Unit 2." With that Kaji walked out. He didn't look back.  
  
When he was gone Asuka's despair flowed from her, and she screamed over and over, thrashing about, pounding her fists on the walls until they burned, then she sank down onto the floor, crying brokenly.  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
Misato looked up from studying the angel readings when she heard Kaji approach.  
  
"Well?" she asked, getting straight to the point. Kaji, still feeling the overwhelming anger from his talk with Asuka, responded in kind.  
  
"You were right to send me, besides herself I'm the only one she's interested in listening to....GOD that girl's messed up." He exclaimed forcefully.  
  
"So, what happened?"  
  
"I basically shattered the pedestal she put herself on, either this experience will make her a lot more humble or it will destroy her. To be honest I prefer the second option, 'cause it gives her a chance to create a totally new persona, while the first choice gives the possibility of a relapse. I just hope I wasn't too hard on her." Misato laid a hand on his shoulder gently.  
  
"Kaji, this is not your fault, it never will be. If you hadn't done it someone else, probably Commander Ikari, would have. Asuka needed to be put in her place, because everyone else has noticed her attitude getting worse and worse, it needed to be done." Kaji smiled tiredly at her, then his expression grew serious again.  
  
"So what's the status of the Angel?" He asked. Misato's expression grew grim.  
  
"Our satellites caught it on the other side of the world, we've run the calculations and we know it's headed straight here. On the plus side it's not moving all that quickly, so if it keeps to it's current velocity it won't reach us for another 4 days, so we have that long to get Shinji and Hikari back. Ritsuko's working on it, so there's not a great deal we can do until she comes through with results. Kinda makes you feel helpless, doesn't it?" she finished sadly. Kaji let out a low whistle.  
  
"Well I don't know about you, but I definitely need a drink, care to join me?"  
  
"I might as well. C'mon let's get out of here," she turned to the bridge techs "Hyuga, call me ASAP with any developments, understand?"  
  
"Yes, Major."  
  
"Good, let's go."  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
Slowly, Shinji Ikari regained consciousness. When his vision returned, he was disorientated by what he saw.  
  
"Wha, what is this? Plugsuits? Then where am I? Where's Hikari!? What's going on?"  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
"Hikari! Where are you?"  
  
"I don't know! I can't see you Shinji!"  
  
"Hikari, just hold on, we'll find a way out of this, I promise." Around them, the world began to fade, and the last thing Shinji heard was Hikari's calls becoming softer until nothing remained but the darkness.  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
When the darkness lifted Shinji found himself on a train, facing someone, he couldn't tell who it was as their face was hidden in shadow.  
  
"Who are you?" asked a voice that seemed devoid of all life, Shinji couldn't tell where it came from.  
  
"Who are you?" repeated the voice.  
  
"Shi, Shinji Ikari." He answered nervously.  
  
"You are in the memories, you were a...friend."  
  
"What do you mean, whose friend? Whose memories?"  
  
"The memories of the pilot."  
  
"Pilot, you mean Hikari?"  
  
"No, she is not the pilot. You know the pilot as Toji."  
  
"Toji? Toji's dead isn't he?"  
  
"I am bonded with the pilot. We are one."  
  
"Who are you then?" asked Shinji.  
  
"I am Bardiel, I am one of the creatures you refer to as Angels." Shinji gasped.  
  
"You were the Angel who took over Unit 3, weren't you? What do you want?" he demanded.  
  
"REVENGE!"  
  
"Revenge for what?"  
  
"Revenge for the pilot. I am now linked to the thoughts and desires of the pilot. He desires revenge for the betrayal."  
  
"What betrayal, who betrayed Toji?"  
  
"YOU!"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"YOU! You befriended the pilot, then you destroyed him and took the one he loved, you are a friend NO LONGER!"  
  
"That's not true Angel. Let me speak to Toji, I need to see him."  
  
"You cannot."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because he is talking to her."  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
"Hello Hikari." Hikari looked around, trying to find the source of the voice.  
  
"Who's there?"  
  
"Have you forgotten me already Hikari?" said the figure who materialised in front of her. Hikari's eyes widened in shock upon seeing him.  
  
"Toji!?"  
  
"Yes, it's me."  
  
"It's so good to see you again." Hikari said as she started towards him, but he held up a hand.  
  
"Stop. Sorry, but I don't feel all that close to you right now."  
  
"Why not Toji? What did I do?" Hikari was crestfallen. Toji's eyes hardened.  
  
"You abandoned me! I tried to express my feelings towards you when I was alive, but the moment I stopped breathing you moved on and found somebody else, my 'close friend' Shinji Ikari!"  
  
"That's not true Toji," Hikari cried, distraught "I've missed you so much since then! Sometimes it's hard to even get up in the mornings knowing I won't see you at school!"  
  
"DON'T LIE TO ME! I got a glimpse of some of Shinji's memories. 1 day after I died you and Shinji were together. Were you seeing him when I was still around too?"  
  
"NO TOJI, I SWEAR IT!"  
  
"ENOUGH! I will win you back Hikari, Shinji will not stop me." He raised his head as if searching for something.  
  
..............................................................................................................  
  
"Bardiel, are you there?" a voice echoed.  
  
The Pilot has reached a decision.  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Shinji. The surroundings began to warp and distort around them.  
  
"What's happening?"  
  
Shinji found himself in the entry plug of Unit 1. He looked up at the view screen and saw a black Evangelion standing across from him.  
  
"Unit 3!" he gasped. A link screen popped up and Toji's face appeared on the screen.  
  
"Hikari will be mine, she will stay with me forever." Toji stated firmly, though there was a deeper voice overlaying his, which Shinji guessed to be the angel, after this thought came to him, he noticed Toji's eyes. They were blood red.  
  
"Toji, this isn't you. Bardiel is controlling you, you have to fight it!" Toji's face took on a look of amusement.  
  
"Why should I fight it Shinji, when we both want the same thing and can help each other get it."  
  
"The angel doesn't want the same thing as you! It's just using you to try and destroy us all, it wants the same thing as all the other angels. You can't trust it."  
  
"Trust? How dare you talk about trust when you were the one who stole my girl?" Toji sneered.  
  
"I didn't steal Hikari, Toji, we just helped each other with our grief over your death, and feelings developed from there." Toji's face contorted into rage.  
  
"I LOVE HIKARI, NOT YOU DAMMIT!" the double-voice yelled, then the link closed and the black Eva roared, then charged. Shinji got into a ready stance, and started to dodge the obsidian behemoth's wild swings. Shinji reopened the link between entry plugs.  
  
"Toji, why do you want to keep Hikari here?" Shinji shouted back as he blocked a thrusting punch.  
  
"So we can be together, like we should be!" replied Toji.  
  
"Why are you being so selfish?" argued Shinji. Upon hearing this the black Eva froze. Toji's expression became one of confusion.  
  
"What do you mean selfish? Hikari and I belong together, that's all there is to it."  
  
"Is it? Toji, you're stuck here, you don't have a life on the outside anymore, Hikari does. Will you deny her that just to be with her? Have you become that heartless?" Toji looked as if he'd been hit between the eyes by an Evangelion. His eyes filled and his expression became remorseful. The environment shifted until it was just Toji and Shinji on the basketball court at the school.  
  
"Shinji I...I'm sorry man, I didn't think...I've been such a fool, how could I do this to her, and to you? Dude I am so sorry." Stammered Toji, his head hung. Shinji walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"It's okay Toji, the fact that you did all this shows how deeply you care for Hikari, and the fact that you stopped shows what a good friend you are. Thank you." Toji looked up at him and grinned goofily.  
  
Thanks, Shinji. I'll take you to Hikari soon, but before you go," he indicated the court "how about some hoops? While we're playing you can tell me what's been happening while I've been gone." Shinji returned the grin and grabbed the ball Toji passed to him.  
  
"Sure." He started dribbling the ball while Toji played defence, he took a shot which was blocked.  
  
"You know Kensuke gave up his military fascination." Shinji remarked as he tried and failed to stop Toji's shot. Toji looked shocked.  
  
"You serious? Mr Future-Supreme-Commander himself isn't playing with toy guns anymore, what next, Rei Ayanami starts talking to people?" He joked and looked at Shinji, who was trying hard to contain his laughter.  
  
"Funny you should say that..." he began, and Toji burst out laughing.  
  
"Well, seems a lot's changed since I've been gone, I guess Asuka's gone nice has she?" Shinji just grinned evilly.  
  
"Actually, it seems you were right all along Toji, Asuka's become even more of a bitch than she was before. Can you believe that when me and Hikari were sucked in here Asuka wouldn't even help out? I mean Hikari's her best friend for Fuck's sake. I tell you, when I get out of here she's gonna get it." proclaimed Shinji angrily.  
  
"Well alright!" said Toji, slapping Shinji on the shoulder "It's about time that German devil got what's coming to her. Give her one punch for me ok?" smirked Toji.  
  
"You got it, man." replied Shinji. The two friends stopped talking for a few minutes and just passed the ball around and took a few shots. Suddenly Toji arced the ball over Shinji's head, and Shinji looked at him, confused.  
  
"Who was that to, Kensuke?" He quipped. Toji just smiled.  
  
"Me." A soft voice replied. Shinji turned to see Hikari standing there, holding the ball. She beamed and ran to him, tossing the ball back to Toji on the way. Shinji gathered her into a fierce hug, then turned to Toji.  
  
"Thank you Toji, for letting us live our lives."  
  
"Don't mention it, Shinji."  
  
"I'll miss you Toji."  
  
"I'll miss you too, Hikari, but if you want to you can come back y'know." Upon hearing this Hikari's eyes lit up.  
  
"You mean it, we can really see you again?"  
  
"Absolutely, I'll be in your Eva, protecting you. Next time you want to come see me, just open your mind and I'll bring you here. You can do it too Shinji, but bring Kensuke next time, I wanna see him too."  
  
"You got it Toji." Toji's expression became serious.  
  
"It's time to send you back." Hikari ran and hugged him.  
  
"I'll miss you Toji, but I'll visit you, I swear it." Hikari hugged him tighter then let go and drifted back to Shinji's side. Toji looked at them both and smiled.  
  
"I know you two will be very happy together, I'm going to give you one final gift, you'll see what it is when you wake up." Toji waved his hand and the world began to collapse.  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
............................................................................................................  
  
Hikari's eyes fluttered open and she saw that she was in the entry plug, she glanced down and saw her green plug suit, then she heard movement behind her and turned to see Shinji, in his blue-and-white plug suit, also returning to consciousness.  
  
"Goodbye Toji." He remarked, then turned to Hikari and gasped.  
  
"What is it?" She asked worriedly, but Shinji's surprise quickly softened into a smile.  
  
"Toji's final gift." He said simply, and it was then that Hikari noticed his eyes, his right eye was a deep blue, as it always had been, but his left eye......his left eye was a rich chocolate-brown, so familiar to Hikari, but now so different. She reached over and took Shinji's hand and looked into his eyes, both old and new, and smiled. 


End file.
